TIRED

1.36am in the morning. i am tired. physically and emotionally tired. didn't do lotsa things anyway. just caught up with this extremely exhausted feeling just now. many things in my mind. many things are undone. many things that i am responsible for. and most of all, many things don't seem to work accordingly.

Audition coming. but where are the participants? How if none of them sign up? i need to replan the performance?

CAMP coming this weekend. i am in charge of the emcee throughout the camp, and also carry out games. if this camp were to become a bored one, or an exciting one, it will all depend on my hands. i don't wana screw it. i had been working for the camp every year since 2005. the fifth year, and suddenly i feel afraid! can't get rid of the feeling.

assignment due dates. mid terms. dance practice. telemarketing. the overloaded work had pushed me hard. i can work under stress condition, im fine with it. just that, i err...suddenly lose all my self esteem in doing things.

do i know myself well?

do i know my feelings?

do i really have the ability to do those things? or im just booasting about it?

most of all, am i still the same?

am i still the "outgoing, cheerful, happy" girl that lotsa people acknowledged me as?

i don't know.

the feeling of uncertainty, the fear of confused about my personality. frankly, i am afraid.


im tired juggling with people, especially relationship problems. why why why? all these problems came in one row, and allow the threat of abandonment stroke me like nobody business? why why why? why the timing is just so great that all the problems happened just after another?

im not God u know. i will emo. i have mood swings. i suffer from bipolar disorder.

i wana take a rest. seriously a rest. that i no need to listen to any of the advices from anyone. that i can really do something on my own, not living to meet other's expectations.

family, friends, colleges, works.
can't u just let me go?